Sunday, May 1, 2016

It Really is a Thing


Hooray, hooray, it’s the First of May; Outdoor fucking starts today.

It rained here most of the day, but we’ll get back to that.

Interesting news found on (of all places) Facebook.  There was a meme I saw posted about the creationist claim that the world, and by extension the universe, was created in October 4004 BC. The meme showed a phallic piece of stone and proclaimed that Creationists claimed the world was 24,000 years younger than the world’s oldest dildo.

According to the article that was tied to the photo on Facebook [Ancient Phallus] , the phallus had more than the obvious use as it was apparently used to knap flints—that is, used to chip pieces of flint off of larger pieces of flint in order to fashion tools, arrowheads, spearheads, knives, things like that. Now that is what I call a multipurpose tool. I imagine it was appreciated on many levels for a multitude of reasons by the gatherers left home, while hunters were out, possibly for extended periods of time, trying their best to secure some Ice Age prime cuts.  Sort of reminds me of the more interesting scrimshaw found in some of the estates of the families of whalers in New England.

But anyway…I have to be curious because it is believed that most tribes of that period tended to be matriarchal and goddess worship was the norm. Anthropologists point to figurines like the Venus of Willendorf and posit that they were used for religious ceremonies.  Maybe, or maybe the little sculpture was what the hunters were carrying when they left the gatherers at home—a reminder of what was waiting for their return. Just throwin’ it out there.  Also, I’d like to point out the stone dildo at 20 cm long (around 8 inches—enough to hold onto and still use effectively) was almost twice as big as the 11.1 cm (about 4.4 inches) Venus.  Whatever they were used for, I believe our Paleolithic ancestors had much more interesting lives than what I ever thought.

Now back to the little poem at the beginning of this piece. I found out that Saturday May 7th , the first Saturday in May, is World Naked Gardening Day. I’m sure many people out there were already aware of an important fact like that. I just think it’s interesting that first there’s the celebration of warm weather by fucking outside, probably for the first time since last year (don’t ask me about an adventure from my sordid youth during a snowy February in Arkansas), followed by gardening, you know: planting, dealing with fertility, making sure seeds germinate—again, outside, no clothes, and followed in turn, by Mother’s Day.  Hmmmm…

I realize Cinco de Mayo falls in there too, but I’ve heard that can be celebrated inside with clothes on if you choose.

 

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